Hey, June

It is June.
My, how this year has flown by. It will be December before any of us know it. 

Once again, there wasn't a specific new feeling to the month, and it flowed very easily from May to June, like a river flows downhill.
Not that it's been entirely downhill. 
The last week of May, I took some time off from social media. No Instagram, or Facebook. I don't really use Twitter that much, so it didn't bother me too much to give that up as well. 
My goal was to focus more on what was happening in front of me, instead of mindlessly scrolling and liking photos or TikTok's or Reels. 
If you've been following me for a while, you know I'm a big fan of being in the present. Since 'now' is really the only time we have.
It was a very welcome break. I got a lot of reading done. Two books finished, and another three started. 
That brings my book total for this year to...ten? It's paltry for me, but yah boi has been busy.
But it also impresses me, due to how much I've been working and busy with other things like life.
My days have been filled with work, yoga, at-home workouts, apartment/house hunting, job searching, and spending time with people. 
This past month has been a bit of an upheaval. On one of the first days, I went to see a place in Mechanicsville. Which seemed a bit odd since it was just a few blocks from where I first moved when I moved to Atlanta. August marks seven years. It's also crazy to me that it has almost been seven years since I moved away from Chattanooga. I had no idea I'd have grown into such a different person. I've become louder. Less reserved, and even don't think of myself as an embarrassment anymore. 
Anyway, here yah go. 

June 1st, 2022
Last night I took a bath. I slept hard for a few hours and was awakened by nothing in particular. It could've been the fan clanking, or the melatonin wearing itself out. I switched out my duvet for a thinner blanket a few weeks ago, so it wasn't my own body heat. Either way, I've had some trouble sleeping recently. And by 'recently' I mean 'for the past twelve years'. Today was a busy day. I've found my regular writing spot, so I retreated to Ponce City Market this morning and cleared out my e-mail. I've been house hunting for the past few months and found a place that looked good, so I went to see it this afternoon. The house is fine; a bit dark inside, but doable. The owner is extremely chill, and the typical questions one asks when considering a new living situation: 
How much is the rent?
What is the bathroom situation like?
How much do utilities typically run?
Have you murdered anyone before?
How do you feel about me running a small catering business out of the kitchen?
Do you like eggs as much as I do, and how do you like your eggs?
His answers were more than satisfactory, and I asked him when I could move in. He said he was out of town on business trips randomly the next few weeks, and told me to take a little bit of time to think over moving in. I was ready to move in that weekend, but it was a busy weekend at work.
I said goodbye and went to see another house in Decatur.
I spent about five minutes in the second house. It wasn't even really a house unless you consider a murder dungeon a house. I had to stoop down to get inside the door. I could touch the ceiling without standing on tip-toes. And I'm short. It also had a feeling as if the previous renter had used the space to make meth. Not exactly what I'm looking for. 
Actually the complete opposite of what I'm looking for. No murder dungeons, being able to stand up straight, and not having to walk through a back yard littered with trash and random piles of chicken wire, one of which caught the edge of my shorts on my way out and produced a brand! new! tear!  
I promptly left and made a mental note to pay a bit more attention to ceiling height in photos. The first house wins (by a landslide). The owner is chill, it's within my price range, I'd have my own bathroom.
Plus, there is the sweetest rottweiler that lives there. She was barking up a storm, but within the first five minutes, she was begging for belly scratches which I gladly gave into.
I've always been a dog person, especially when the dogs are friendly and warm up to me as much as I've warmed up to them. It only takes a few seconds in most cases. If only I could figure out people in the same amount of time, but then I'd be a psychic. Which I sometimes wish, because then I could divine my own future. Hell, at this point I'd even settle for knowing what the next two weeks hold. 

June 5th, 2022
Have you ever had a wrench thrown at you?
Or stepped on a Lego? One of the square ones, with the four studs and the pointiest edges the tender sole of your foot has ever felt? 
I haven't done that in quite a while, but yesterday threw me for a loop. 
My work hours have been cut in less than half. Instead of working 'up to 39 hours a week', I'm not only allowed to work "up to 18 hours per week, and they can't be consistent". 
I've never been burned by the church or made to feel as if I don't belong, except for maybe that sermon that was preached when I was a kid about how "It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."
I remember thinking "Steve sounds nice, what do we have against Steve? I have an Uncle Steve, and he's fine."
That is a much longer story, for some other time. 
Anyhow, My hours were cut. I understand it's the summer and half the congregation goes to their lake house, or out-of-town, vacationing, etc. but goddammit, I had plans for this summer! Yes, they included working a shit ton because bills, trying to move, and so forth. 
But it's all good. It's just a Lego. And what are Legos? Building blocks. 
I've got this. 

June 6th, 2022
Okay, well shit. When it rains it pours, and this week's pouring is coolant pouring out of my radiator. 
Feck.
Pulling into work yesterday, I noticed my engine smoking. Just a tiny bit. I didn't think much of it, because it was in the high 80's outside and there was little to no cloud cover. Plus, it could have just been steam, right? I just got my oil changed less than two weeks ago, and they gave me the go-ahead. 
But they had mentioned my coolant was low and they topped it off for me. What nice guys. 
But then it started smoking on the way back, and the engine temperature was high. Like past the top of the gage high. At least it was white smoke, so I knew there wasn't a fire. 
The driveway is shaded; thank goodness. I topped off the radiator with some coolant I'd found in the trunk. Thanks, Emma. Love you long time. 
I let the car cool down for a few hours, checking on it regularly. It seemed to be doing fine. 
I drove to midtown because of a Happy Hour, and halfway there is began smoking again. And the temperature gauge was screaming at me that it was indeed too Hot to Handle. I pulled over. Called the boyfriend and he graciously came and picked me up. We decided to let it cool down and leave it where it was for a few hours. The day was cooling down, and I was trying to as well. 
A few hours later, the engine had cooled down enough to drive it the five minutes to a much safer parking lot, where it cooled off enough overnight, while I boiled inside. 
This morning I drove back to where I'm staying, praying to a god I don't believe in that I'd make it the whole way and not be stranded on the side of the road. I rode the last mile in neutral, grateful that it was downhill. Panicked texts followed, and research on what radiator was appropriate for my car. Calling two Auto Zones and double checking that they had said radiator in stock. They did. Praise be to Honda for having easily swappable radiators. And Praise be to Clinton for showing me how to disconnect and reconnect pipes and wires. Only $275 later, and I learned a new...skill? I do have to admit it was a good feeling to be covered in grease and sweat, knowing I could do the same thing again if need be. Hopefully not on this car again, but in order to help someone else. Or in a more likely case, when this radiator shits the bed again. Because I'm just that lucky. 

June 11th, 2022
I'm dog-sitting this weekend. I forgot how much I love George. The dopiest Great Dane in all the land, and the sweetest boi all rolled into one. I've known him since he was a puppy, and about 2/3 of his current size. So, still the size of a small horse.
I also feel tired when I move from the couch to the bed, so I get it, bud. 
I've learned a lot from George over the past few days. Or, more like being reminded of lessons I've learned years ago.
Stop and smell the flowers.
Naps are so important but take them at the wrong time and you won't sleep through the night. 
Stay hydrated, even if it means devouring some watermelon. 
Take up the entire couch when napping and sigh loudly when you don't get your way. 
Wait. Okay, maybe not that last one.

June 15th, 2022
I got a haircut yesterday. A true summer cut. As usual, I went home after, to trim up my beard. The temperature is going to continue rising, and I'm attempting to mitigate any more beard tan lines. But damn it, every time I trim my beard the trimmer slips and I end up essentially shaving my entire beard off. Thank goodness it only takes a week for it to grow back. Now that I'm in my thirties, I'm trying to keep a youthful appearance but I'm not trying to pass for a 20-year-old. My goal is to wear my age well. I don't intend on getting any cosmetic surgery. I'd rather get tattoos. Let's cover up these blemishes with art. Make me into a walking mural, but maybe with no neck or face tatts. I plan on keeping them where I could cover them up with a simple button-down shirt; long-sleeve of course. Sleeves under sleeves. Because layering is important. 

June 16th, 2022
It. Is. Hot. Outside.
Growing up in Florida, I was made for this weather. It's above 85°F? Perfect. Set me in the sun with a pair of sunglasses on, and a book to read. I'll be back in an hour for some more cold brew green tea and return to you a shade darker. Remind me to flip onto my other side so I get an even tan.
But lordy, it's been toasty. My greatest concern has been my car overheating again, but it's doing okay so far. 
The air conditioning went out yesterday. Fans on, at full blast, windows cracked for the cross-breeze, it was still 84° inside. And the humidity. Gee wizz. So, I got my things done; yoga, workout, sweat, snack, shower, sweat, deodorant, chores, and more sweat. Then I headed out to get some words out of my head. 
Worked for a bit, then was extended an invitation to a pool. I dropped everything and zipped over to the pool. The heat and humidity made the drive a blur, even though I was going the speed limit. I've been extra careful ever since I had to replace the radiator. Just in case. Overheating is a real thing. 
All in all, I sat in the water and swam for hours, and it was perfection. It's times like these that I miss the beach.
The ocean water. The sea air. The unobstructed sunshine. The smell of sunscreen. The sand that gets into every. single. thing.
Palm Trees. Walking on the sand that is so hot it almost burns the bottoms of your feet. 
But, I digress. 

June 17th, 2022
I got to work around 9am this morning. We went to Costco first thing and dropped off linen to be dry-cleaned on the way. 
I had an interview that afternoon for a very promising job opportunity, and Daniel graciously let me use his apartment (which I had dog-sat at the previous weekend). George, the great dane, was very confused but happy I was around to tell him what a good boy he is and refill his water dish three times. 
I went back to work, feeling good about the interview. I pulled brownies out of the oven and put them in the walk-in cooler, dreaming about being able to work from home and not having to fight traffic because cooking times vary due to differing pan sizes. Oh, and health insurance would be nice to have. 
Maybe it's just me, but I think it should be universal at this point. 

July 19th, 2022
Today consisted of brunch, followed by antique store thrifting, and Chakka Khan Hacienda. 
All were accompanied by high levels of anxiety! Hooray! 
I know everything is fine, but having to search for housing and a new job is really starting to wear on me. This past week I woke up with an album rotating in my head. Every day, I've woken up with a new song on the album Try Hard by The Band Camino stuck in my head. Today it was Just a Phase. 
I heard the album for the first time when I was still taking Marta. It came out on a Friday. I remember vividly aching to be off the train and out of my shoes. 

The chorus goes like this,
-
I'm giving it up,
everything that I'm scared of,
God only knows how hard I've tried
I really hope that I can get better
Wondering what's on the other side
I'm over my head telling me 
That I'm not where I'm supposed to be
Every time I find a piece
The picture makes no sense to me
Everybody pushing me, 
I just need space
Everybody saying that I'll find my way
I don't really know if it'll be okay
But everybody telling me it's just a phase. 
...
Wonder when the work pays off
Wasting precious time
Barely getting byyyyyy
-

And I really do wonder if the work will pay off. 

July 21st, 2022
This morning I worked. Well, not exactly 'work' worked. I used the kitchen at my job to make some pound-cakes. Social engagements require them over the next week. I'm looking forward to them and being in the air conditioning. I do love summer. Short shorts. Tank tops. Avoiding mosquitos at all costs. Being outside on patios and just outside in general. Absorbing the warmth of the sun and unleashing it on my enemies. 
Okay, maybe not that last one. 

July 26th, 2022
I'm dog-sitting again this weekend. George, the great dane. This dog, man. He's the greatest. He's the size of a small horse, doesn't realize it, and is in constant need of attention. His zoomies are legendary, and his paws are bigger than my own hands. I often feel as if I'm not big enough to give him enough attention. My hands can only scratch so much of that big ol' belly at a time. He's grateful for it, however. We have been catching up on some shows, his enormous head encompassing my entire lap. Drool marks on my jeans shorts. They can easily be washed out, so I'm not worried about it. I'd love to find a big yard for him to romp around in. To really get those zoomies out. Preferably with another dog so he can play freely and without angst. He's a good dog. But he is a fierce defender of his dad and his people, and there are lots of us. 


July 26th,2022
It's yet another week of being a secretary or at least pretending to be one. It's a busy week for me. Still looking for a steady job, and with lots of personal engagements. Went to a gym today. Not enough of a workout for me, but it did feel good to pick up some weights instead of using an old book bag stuffed with books as a weight. 



July went by in a flurry. The month passed me by as a Marta Buss used to before I had a car. I couldn't tell you where it went, but the past is just as full of mysteries as the future so I'll leave it at that. 

XO,
Ty