FEB & March

February was the longest shortest month in recent memory. 

The second month of 2022 began with getting ready for the day and documenting it via my Instagram stories. Showing my followers my face before a shower and a shave may be a paltry sign of vulnerability, but it's still a small step towards being open and less ashamed of myself with the world. 
I took a food photo class that turned out to be a reinforcement of what I already use when taking food pictures. Lots of focus on the Rule of Thirds, and the importance of lighting. For me; natural light always wins. In any photo, and also in reality. 
A day or two later, I spent the day pretending to be a receptionist. 
This was also the day when I found out I was able to tell people I was on a tv show last year. 
I spent the morning and early afternoon chatting with some friends I had made while filming and missing the strange vacation that was filming for a tv show and quarantining with other people in the same hotel. Friends were made. A park trip was one of the highlights and getting to cook for a famous chef and comedian was truly a wild treat. But that was last year, so I don't want to dwell on it for much longer. But Ludo did say that I had made the best crabcakes he has ever had. 
The next weekend encased a weekend where there was a birthday party, and the birthday girl didn't offer any specific advice, but gave me a hug instead. Both of which, I always take willingly. 
Valentine's Day followed closely, immediately after two cookie classes where I got to teach some kids how to make and frost cookies. It was an exceedingly good time had by all. I didn't even mind sweeping up the sprinkles that seemed to get into every last crevice on the floor. 
On Valentines Day, I got a FaceTime date with the girls who mean the most to me in the whole world; my nieces. 
February 15th brought another year of remembering David Durnell and having a negroni in his honor. This year I had two negroni's and decided I like my negroni with the driest gin possible. Life grows and changes, as do people that are still around us. The ones we've lost seem cemented, the only things that haven't evolved along with us. Relationships change and so do we, but one of the things about life is how some things stay the same, even if you wish you could change them.
People grow and change, some of us faster than others. Some grow into different people, and others grow into more of who they are. Some stop growing, and stop living; which I consider to be the same thing. 
February 22nd marked eight years since I'd graduated from Culinary school. The day found me pondering how long it's been since I didn't know what to do with my life. 
It turns out I really enjoy teaching kids and adults how to cook. I also love cooking. I like writing. And most importantly; I love eating. Finding how to do all of those things and turn them into a career is a convoluted sort of puzzle. But I do enjoy a good puzzle. 
Little steps. That's all we can take, after all. 
February ended in a fizzle. 
I went to a fantastic game night featuring Cards Against Humanity, and some of my oldest friends from Atlanta. 
I packed most of my things the following day on the 23rd and moved two days later. 
I went out the night of moving, talked about books for a good hour and a half, and slept oh so hard. 
The following day, my arm twitched for a good thirty minutes, and as to why? I still haven't any idea.
A car full of plants and clothes and kitchen equipment seems to encompass who I am and who I've been, as well as who I'm growing into. It turns out roots don't always need to stay in the same place.
So far, my plants are happier, as am I.
As this new month begins, I'm going to continue to work hard toward goals and bake a few cakes. 

Again, little steps. They're all we can take. 



March has flown by like a stuntman out of a cannon. 

Today is March 18th, and it is the first day I have had off since Monday of this past week, and the last day I will have off until...April? Lordy, I need a vacation
March began with the end of an era, and a walk in the park
March 1st, I flipped at least a hundred pancakes and stealthily grabbed a spoonful of Cool Whip from the serving line.
Hello being smacked in the face by memories of thanksgiving dinners and pumpkin pies from eons ago.
I took a deep breath, and continued to scrub some pans so I could get home and have a beverage.
Trips to Restaurant Depot and Costco for work and making THREE cakes in TWO days followed.
March 3rd I made a goodbye cake for a staff member at my job. Chocolate cake with some classic vanilla buttercream. We miss you, Elizabeth. 
March 4th, it was a small wedding cake made of dark chocolate cake and frosted with an Amaretto buttercream. Lovingly draped with some eucalyptus branches.
Elegant, to be savored, and well-balanced. Like a good yoga pose.
Once I had finished that, I put the finishing touches on a vanilla cake with a strawberry jam in between layers of cake and buttercream. I made the strawberry jam and flavored it with some bay leaf and half a cinnamon stick. Sometimes I miss working at the Preserving Place. Jams and preserves on every shelf. I do not miss washing out those pots used to make the jam, however. I remember waking up and finding dried jam on my left arm. I had even showered the night before. Some things really don't want to let go. 
March 8th I finally opened a bottle of Pinot Noir I'd been sitting on for almost three years. It was spectacular. Shared wine is the best kind of wine, which reminds me of how I've drank a bottle of red while taking a bath quite a few times. Just me, the bubbles, music, and a candle or two.
Romancing myself. 
Wednesday, March 9th began a weekly event at work that involves soup. I made a hearty vegetable soup. It was flavorful and filling. 
The following day, I made about 200 brown butter chocolate chip cookies and had a manhattan before bed. The following morning I made some avocado toast and marveled at how many new leaves my plants had sprouted in under two weeks. 
On my way to work, I had organization on my brain. Not having a whole lot to do, I reorganized the utensil bin and was very pleased with the outcome. Then I made another 300 cookies. 
March 12th was 30 degrees and I regretted not wearing every one of my scarves at once. 
Then on March 13th, a ladybug landed on me and I wore a short-sleeve shirt with a cardigan. I wished I had dressed cuter, so I attempted to drink the pain away. I did. I also fell asleep on the boyfriends' couch. 
On the 14th, I was asked if I preferred Waffle House or IHOP. I weighed the options. Obviously, there are barely any cons to Waffle House. 
Waffle House forever. 
On Pi Day, I made a grapefruit pie. The recipe needs work, but I'm here for Saltine crackers being used for crusts, as long as they don't get soggy. 
Also this trend of spreading straight-up butter on saltines is utter nonsense.
Mix up some fresh herbs and spices in with some melted butter, toss the saltines in the mixture. 
Bake at 350° for 15 minutes. Fight me.

March 18th brought Ellie Grace's third birthday. Wow, I love that girl. Being an uncle is the single greatest thing I have ever experienced. 

March has been winding down, slowly but surely. Today is the 23rd, and I've come off a restless night. Insomnia has reared its ugly head again, or maybe my body thinks it can continue to get by on four hours of sleep. Here I sit, not in my twenties anymore, yet my body still apparently thinks this is a healthy way for me to exist. Either way, it's a rainy day. I did get the Wordle in two tries, so the day hasn't started off totally bad. 

Yesterday had the potential to be a not-so-great-day. I woke up tired and restless. It persisted to rain or be overcast every time I was outside, and then I found out it had been beautiful while I had been stuck inside all afternoon. But wasn't a bad day. It was just a Wednesday. 
Thankfully the work-day passed quickly, and I was able to get a good yet short workout in. Even some yoga to stretch out these tight hamstrings. I'm in need of a massage, but who's got time for pleasantries when everywhere is so understaffed? At this point, I'd settle for a two-hour nap. But then again, I haven't been able to sleep at night, so I'm unsure why I assume I could sleep when the sun is up, and bright. Unlike yesterday which was a rainy drizzly morning and evening.

Last night began with Broken Clocks by SZA, and the song has continued to rotate around in my brain until this morning. Today is the 24th, and I've been up since technically 5am. My sleep schedule has been all sorts of out o' wack the past week or so. This week I've been on the front desk at work. The secretary has been on vacation, which I'm sure is well deserved. And, due to how I covered the front desk for a day or two a few months ago, and it's a slow week in the kitchen, the duty fell to me. I know it's not my strong suit, sitting in a chair for nine hours a day. Heck, staying in once place for nine hours a day has never been my strong suit. Even on my days off, I get angsty when I don't have an excuse to leave the house. And even if not, I usually make one up. Anything to feel productive. And yes, false feelings of productivity still count. Even grocery runs where all I get is a block of tofu. Especially grocery runs where all I get is a block of tofu. 
My creativity has felt a bit squelched as of late. Well, I don't know if 'squelched' is the right term. Things have been so busy and my hours at work so long, my mind has been trying to decompress the second I get done driving home, or wherever else for the evening. 
The beach has consistently been on my mind. Not even just the beach, but warm weather in general. We've gotten tastes of warmth over the past few weeks, and I'm ready for the full on summertime.
My body sure isn't ready. I'll be having crunches for breakfast.
My mind isn't ready. But I feel ready.
I'm ready for big salads and lunches outside. Driving with the windows down because the air hasn't kicked on quite enough yet.
A picnic with a bottle of rosé and some sandwiches.
Walking in the park.
Hanging out on rooftops.
Sitting by pools.
Swimming in pools.
Napping by pools.
Being a pool boy. Wearing short shorts. Tank tops. No shoes. Okay, maybe flip flops. 
The first few months of my life were the summer. That's what I get for being a May baby. Or how I RSVP to every event: a Maybe. 

Today is the 25th of March. I find myself behind the desk again. 
One week from today will be April Fools Day. It will also be the day after the tv show I filmed for last summer airs. The day March 31st holds some sort of ethereal meaning for me. I celebrate my mother on that day, for her birth and for her being. It also happens to be the day I moved back to Atlanta from Florida; this will be three years since. It also happens to be the day I will be on national TV. 
Call it coincidence, or call it fate, I find it wild. I guess sometimes things just fall on the same day each year. Or, it might be that I've just been more open to receiving good things on that day because I have in the past. But what do I know? I'm just here for the food. And I try to accept anything good that comes my way on any given day. 
I think I'll take a bath tonight. Process some good things, and some great things. 

Okay, that wasn't just a bath. I boiled myself. I did an eye mask. These under-eye bags can get the hell out of here. Or maybe I can check them at the airport? I tried last time and they didn't accept them. 
Rude.

Today is March 31st. I will be on national tv tonight. Also Happy birthday, Mama. There is a part of me that wonders how I will be perceived on the show, and another part of me that doesn't particularly care. I had a blast. The scenes I've seen look like a lot of fun. Who knows how I'll be painted by the network. All I know is that I spent an hour on my hair that morning and it didn't budge all day. Huge thanks to the makeup girls who are not only gorgeous and have personalities bigger than Your Dekalb Farmers Market, but also have what I'm pretty sure is liquid cement in spray form. Ily bb's. 

As the month draws to a close, I see how things have gone...dare I say, well? There is so much more to do and to be, but I feel as if I'm starting. I'm excited to see where this thing called 'life' goes. 
Now can we please have some more sunshine?