May: 31, feeling fun, kind of numb, and planting.

 It's not gonna be May, it IS May. 

May 2nd. 
I had today off. I went to Piedmont. I laid out for a few hours, trying to further deepen this tan and whatever semblance of sanity summer brings. As I was sitting in the park, eating a sandwich I came across a photo depiction of a Black Hole by NASA. Goodness, how small we truly are, and my my how magnanimous space is.
I like to have everything figured out, but it is comforting to know no one knows everything. 
Having all the answers would make things so simple. But isn't part of the excitement not knowing everything to expect?

May 5th.
This morning, I had the pleasure of going to Home Depot twice before 11am. 
We planted the garden at work today. I wore cut-off shorts and a tank top. Helloooooooo summer.
We sweat, we hydrated, we uprooted plants that had gone bitter in their old age, and I vowed to continue to be kind. And try to get this dirt out from under my nails. Not that I mind. But it is unsightly. 
Is this Urban Farming? I mean, technically we are in the city, and we're cultivating herbs and plants. Peppers, and the like. 
Inner City Planting?
Also, can I just spend two seconds on how much I love watermelon juice?
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhg, it's phenomenal. It also pairs nicely with a ginger peach syrup I made a few weeks ago and gin. 

May 7th.
Focaccia hydration tinkering.
I used my standard focaccia recipe, but I upped the hydration by 20%, and 
OH
MY
GRACIOUS
These bubbles. Lighter, airy, crispier on top, and perfect when topped with herbed cream cheese, smoked salmon, a squeeze of lemon, chives, and pickled red onions.
Dill is my favorite herb so far this summer. Bright. Zippy. Fresh. 
I imagine I'll be working on recipes for the rest of my days. That's cool. 

May 15th.
I got my oil changed. 
I got my emissions tested. 
I went through old mail at Piedmont park. 
Is this 31?
Nah, 31 is getting breakfast at an Atlanta staple, getting a manicure, getting tea from my favorite tea shop, and spending the afternoon at the park. Dinner at Ruby Chows, seeing old coworkers and inspirations and taking a shameless bathroom selfie like I do every other time I'm in a restaurant bathroom. 
So, the same as before, just with added wrinkles, and an overarching sense of just tiiiiired. 

May 23rd. 
Today I was off. It is yet again Monday. The past few weeks have passed by so quickly that I didn't even realize the hours dripping away like the ice cream off a waffle cone in the heat of summer. 
Yes, it has been weeks since I've jotted down a thought or two. I am well aware. 
Busy is an understatement. I bought a new suit and wore it twice in one weekend.
I like how I look in suits. Like an adult. I like dressing well. It makes me feel older.
So does having a beard. Which also makes me look older. I'm trying to dress more like an adult these days. But what do adults even wear in this day and age? Shorts? Are those off the table?
Wait, do I have to wear pants all the time?! Is this adulthood? I did not sign up for this. 

May 24th
Today wasn't the greatest day but it still wasn't the worst I've had.
Today started with an early morning. Let's be honest it wasn't early. I woke up at 7am and justified my alarm with when I had to actually get up. I decided I didn't need to eat breakfast because I haven't been hungry when waking for the past -gosh- four months or so. Which is strange for me. I'm always hungry. Especially when I first wake up. My appetite has been all over the place recently. Or I should say my non-hunger. 
Things have been weird recently. I don't have a place to call mine. It's been exhausting. I've been working a great amount. Even though I'm 'part-time', I still work around forty hours a week, and I work myself to the bone. I've worked restaurant jobs before. God, for years. This job is different. It's not just working in a kitchen. It's working for an institution where more is expected from me than just food. Which is fine. I've done food, I've done hospitality, I've done beverage service. I've been in nearly every caveat of hospitality, and yet here I am. 
Still struggling to make ends meet, and not even able to acquire a job with benefits. 
The wealth gap in this country continues to get larger, and it makes me nervous. 
Things are still hard for some of us, even though we have worked our asses off for the past twenty years. Not everything is a cakewalk, but yes I've made plenty of cakes and pastries.
Get @ me for small orders. You know where to find me. 

On an entirely separate note, I bought a blanket today. It's a good blanket. A lighter quilt for these warm summer nights. Thanks, Target.
My mom crocheted a blanket for me for my birthday. It's warm. It's beautiful and supremely cozy.
And yet; it's summer.
Lord knows, I love a good blanket, but god, mom's is one of the many things that make me sweat at night. But to be fair I do sweat all the time.
Any circumstance that is above 75 degrees? Sweat. Reapply deodorant. Hide the stains. Buy a tank top instead. Hit 'em with the shoulders. 
After all, it is summer. Hot and sweaty. But it's the south. Atlanta; you're great. 

May 27th,
Today is Friday. I woke up still tired. I finished off a bottle of bourbon last night. It was only about three ounces. I grabbed a Russian River Valley Pinot Noir from Kroger and paired it with dinner last night.
I was very pleased with dinner last evening. I was pleased with the evening in general.
I made my miso-mushroom chicken. It paired extremely well with the pinot. 
I seared two chicken breasts in some oil until they had a nice crust on them. I transferred them to a sheet tray and baked them in the oven, set to 375.
In the same pan, I sauteed about a cup each of sliced baby Bella's, shiitake, and Oyster mushrooms along with 1/4 of a diced medium red onion, and a medium thinly sliced shallot. Once those were cooked down I added three tablespoons of miso, ~1/2 cup of coconut milk, and the juice of one small lemon. I removed the chicken from the oven, sliced the breasts, topped them with the miso-mushroom mixture and topped that with small mountains of freshly grated parm.
I baked under the broiler the cheese was melted, in about five minutes, on high. 
I paired it with baked asparagus, also sprinkled with freshly grated parm and a squeeze of lemon. 
Just, Yum.
I had a short facetime conversation about how I'm actually doing well and feel as if I'm more stable, even after the panic attack I had a few weeks ago. That was brutal, but I made it through. 
I'm cutting down on the coffee. Heart stuff. Family history of bad hearts, etc. 
I watched another episode of The Great British Bake-off and daydreamed about being four inches taller.
I wasn't sleepy, so I watched another episode of Love, Death, and Robots. I'm sure I had wild dreams, but I can't remember any of them.
Yesterday was busy, so it was wonderful to have a chill night.

Yesterday, May 26th
I started off getting gas on the way to work. I got to work early and actually remembered to bring my own Cold-brew Green Tea from home. Which is a rare occurrence. Any of my roommates can tell you I will inevitably come back inside less than two minutes after I've walked out because I've forgotten either my phone, my wallet, or my keys. 
Or my sunglasses, or chapstick, my backpack, or coffee, or tea, or deodorant. Or forgetting to brush my teeth or anything else on the list that goes on and on and on. 
Work went just fine. We had a caterer coming into the kitchen, so it was mostly a day of snacking and tidying. A casual snacky lunch. Lots of dishes, and putting coffee pots upstairs.
Summer is slower because everyone goes to their lake house.
Meanwhile, I'm just trying to find a room to inhabit so I can get my stuff out of storage and use my small food processor. 
I left work, scooped up a prescription, got a run-down of a house I'll be dog-sitting in this weekend, and picked up some mail that is somehow still being delivered to my old house. Apparently, it takes months and months for the post office to process that I have moved. I expect they will begin forwarding my mail when I find another place. So it goes. 
I did get a chance to stop at the Dekalb Farmers Market, which always not only brightens my mood but makes me absolutely beam. I picked up some mushrooms for dinner and some miso; also for dinner. Nothing exorbitant, just some necessities. 
I could (and have) walked around that place for hours. There is something so calming to me about walking around a grocery store while everyone else is in such a hustle and bustle sort of mood.
Grocery stores are my happy place. Farmers Markets are my heaven. Don't even get me started on Holiday grocery trips. It's electric. 
I think that has to do with when mom would take my brother and me to Publix as kids. The cashier, Miss Rosemary, would always give Chris and me a small Cookies-and-Cream Hersheys bar and ask us about what we were learning in school that week. 

I've been thinking a lot the past few weeks about how some people don't view service workers as 'real' people. Not even 'real', it's as if some people don't realize we're all humans.
Cashiers, waiters, sanitation workers, receptionists, nurses, and gas station attendants. We all have lives outside of work, granted some more glitzy than others, but I digress. We're all people.
I have a shirt I wear sometimes that is cream colored and simply says, "Be Kind". I wore it the last time I saw my nieces. You lose absolutely nothing by being kind, and I think that should be taught at a very young age. Be kind. Eat well. 
I've considered getting "Be Kind" as a tattoo. 
To be honest, I'd be c.o.v.e.r.e.d. in tattoos if I could. But being an adult is expensive. Maybe I'll win the lottery someday and consequently have a floral half-sleeve full of gardenias and ranunculus and daffodils and water lilies. Gardenias for mom, birth flowers for my nieces, and ranunculus for me.
A boy can dream. And it's not like I play the lottery. Now, if only I could remember my dreams. But as previously stated I'm trying to stay in the present. 
And presently, I've drank about a gallon of tea and water this morning, and my parking is about to expire. So, I'll sign off for now.
Remember to stay hydrated, eat a damn vegetable you gorgeous humans, and please be kind to whomever you encounter today. 

May 31st. 
Today is the last day of May. It's been a...confusing day. Simply life reminding me to be flexible. Which is a daily struggle sometimes. My hamstrings are tight enough, damn it. 

Some of the stand-out moments from this past month, in a quick roundup:

Hot, and I mean HOT weather. In the 90's. At last. Shorts and tank tops season is here, and I am HERE for it. 
Park sandwiches with Smoked Salmon and yet another attempt to get some more color on these shoulders.
Watching the Met gala and screen-shotting Cardi B saying "Popping", unintentionally. 
Finally buying a suit, and feeling handsome in it. 
Watermelon juice cocktails, and just watermelon juice in general.
Salmon toasts on a revised recipe for focaccia and consequently NERDING OUT on dough hydration. 
Designing a few bouquets of which I was quite proud. 
The HRC Dinner; where I felt seen and understood and welcome. 
Being seen as more than just one-dimensional.
The Tropical Plants greenhouse at the Botanical Gardens where it felt as if I'd stepped into a portal to a jungle, with the most handsome man by my side.
Turning 31, and fighting off wrinkles and sun damage with a rigorous skincare routine. 
Being appreciated.
Blue. Nails.
More days at the park. 
THE BLOOD MOON OMG
Discovering a perfect little yoga nook in the backyard and taking advantage of it. 
My niece, Ellie, transforming into a UniCornDog and belly laughing along with them via FaceTime. 
A Very Hot Bath feat: Wine 
Potting propagations and watching them happily settle into the fresh soil.  
Blueberry Galaxy Muffins. 
Love, Death, and Robots.
Dog sitting, food poisoning, pool parties, and planter boxes; all rolled into one weekend.
A constant state of angst and frustration at how my life is not going how I envisioned it would at 31, but being aware of the good moments to be found every day. 
A week off from Social media that was so healthy for me like oh ehm gee. 

Let's go June.