2017, In Review

I know I'm a bit late to the game, but I thought to myself, why not do a quick overview of my 2017 for everyone to see? 

2017 was a very heavy year. Some good brunch food, lots of coffee, a case or seven of wine, less than a handful of beach days, seeing my best girls, and quiet moments. It’s been a hard year, but I’ve grown. I’ve worked more than I’d thought was possible. I’ve been blessed to travel a couple times and see the people that mean the most to me.

It was, by all accounts a hard year. 
I will give you the highlights, and the low points. And pictures to correspond with each, if I can manage to find them. I wasn't very good at documenting my year, photographically. My apologies. 

2017
It started off with one of my best friends, Panda, surprising me in Atlanta for New Years Day where we took a nap as soon as she got into town. A nap that happened to last for three or four hours. It was splendid. We then brunched in West Midtown at the West Egg, and had mimosas and coffee. You know, the necessities. 
Marcos (gracious, ever accommodating, Marcos) accompanied us, and gracefully acquiesced to take terribly cute pictures of us. I couldn't help looking like the sun was shining, and the temperature was 76 degrees, even though it was a cold and dreary day. Having your year start out with your best friend of ten years does that to a person, I guess.

We just hate each other

A few days later, one of my other best friends, April, came into town and I had the opportunity to get a late breakfast with her and her amazing siblings. I tell you what, those Kent's make any day so much better. Full of joy and encouragement. Love them to pieces. 

It seems as if my 2017 started out revolving around brunch. Not mad about it

A few days after that, I was back in the swing of working my ass off after the holiday break I'd spent in Delaware with my brother, Chris and his wife Erin, and my dad and Lisa. Nothing notable happened, apart from myself baking a cake and some vegan banana bread. Oh, and the one year anniversary of David Durnell's passing. Still miss the shit out of that guy. 
Honestly, I was pretty absent from taking pictures this past year. I was going through a lot of changes, and didn't know how to deal with them so I internalized a lot. My living situation had gone from me just holing myself up in my room to avoid roommates and unwanted questions, to me spending long hours at the bar after work. Attempting to spend what money I could, dulling the pain of being depressed, and feeling totally alone. To have even an hour or two more of relative quiet where I could sip on a beer, or a glass of wine and read a book in public, but also alone? I'd have given more than just money, I'd have given my very soul. 
I wasn't sure what I was doing with my life. It had been a little over a year and a half since I had moved to Atlanta, and what had I accomplished? Sure, I had two jobs that I loved, but how could I get where I wanted to when I moved here? What did I want when I moved here?
Logically, I thought, 'It's much easier to just ignore those pesky thoughts and have a drink and get lost in a book for an hour or two. Plus, I made some cash tonight and rent isn't due for another week...' 

Aaaaaanyway. I digress. 
The next big thing to happen in 2017 was when one of my treasured jobs (Preserving Place) closed its' doors in April. After working at Preserving Place for a year and a half, give or take a few weeks, I was so sad to say goodbye to that kitchen and the amazing women that I had come to know and love. Who would've known that when I nervously walked through the door that had a 'Now hiring' sign, I'd not only be welcomed with open arms, but also be introduced to some of the most inspiring women with whom I'd ever come into contact.
I loved that kitchen. Preserving, being a prep-chef once again, peeling 75+ lbs of apples, and listening to podcasts on the new food trends; they all played a part in rekindling my love of being in the kitchen as opposed to FOH as my past few years had been. Add in helping out with cooking classes? No, the pay wasn't spectacular. But the opportunities that place afforded. And have I mentioned the kitchen? Stainless steel, six burner stoves, gas powered. A business run by women that looked at a to-do list as long as my arm and would say "Well, I guess I'll make some tea before I get started", and then be finished the list, plus seven other things  by lunch. Women that taught me that hard work, and dedication to what you love will truly pay off, tenfold. I think of it daily, and my heart aches to know that never again will I be able to walk through that door, and be greeted with hugs and anywhere between two and five women asking me if I've been eating alright, or if I'd slept well the night before. I miss the mothering I received, and the genuine loving kindness. Ladies, if you're reading this, I miss you all, and haven't stopped sending you all the love and good vibes you deserve. 

With a smile on my face, and a deep sense of sadness in my heart,
I bid farewell to one of my happy places.  

Then it became April, and the depression and dreary days that had colored the beginning of 2017 began to wane, when I became and Uncle. My niece Brianna Marie Scharf graced us, and the rest of the world with her presence on April 15th. I wouldn't get the chance to hold that little nugget of happiness in my arms until late May, but my world was changed, y'all. Through the hardships of the previous year, the emotional trauma of losing my nephew Able, and losing a handful of friends...I had gotten lost. Lost in the darkness that's seemed to overshadow the light from the past two or three years. It's not been an easy time for yours truly. But that moment when I received a phone call from my brother that opened with "Hello Uncle Tyler", drastically changed my perspective. It helped me realize that not all the things to come out of hardships are bad. In the words of Dumbledore, "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light". 

I want to say this was the biggest moment of my life.
Bigger than graduating from High-school, or being accepted into college,
or graduating from Culinary school. 

Being the one that got to introduce Bri to the beach for the first time - even though she will never remember it - was huge for me. That whole week was a blur. 
Actually, the whole month of May was a total blur. 

-I quit Bocado, the job I'd had since I moved to Atlanta
-I accepted a job as a manager at a new restaurant
-I went on a week of vacation
-I got on a plane from Atlanta to St. Louis for a wedding weekend with April
-April and I missed the wedding because of a miscommunication, and I still feel horrible about it
-In spite of it, we had a quite enjoyable weekend
-I flew from St. Louis to Philadelphia, where I was picked up and driven by my brother to Dover, DE. Where I spent four glorious days with my three favorite people in the entire world. It was wonderful. 
-I left back for Atlanta
-Started training for my new manager job
-Moved to a new house the week of training for said job
-Started new job

It was a lot to handle at the same time. I think I did pretty well, considering all the stresses that presented themselves, simultaneously. Although, I would be grateful if I didn't have to do it ever again. At least, not all at the same time. 

The next month, June, was mostly me getting used to a new job, with new hours. And a new house, with new roommates. 
And trying to get used to working more than I had at Bocado, with the pay being not as much. Actually, the pay being about half. Working from 7am until anywhere from 3pm, or mostly 9-10pm with next to no breaks, proved to indeed be exhausting. That, and the pay not even being close to what I was making before. Add in the fact that I'd moved to a house that was more expensive, and I didn't really have to think about what to do. After three months, I put in my two weeks notice, after being begged to come back to the B. 
So, I went back to Bocado. Back to the fam. Back to familiarity and somewhat consistent pay. 
Nothing eventful happened over the next few months. Work and more work, with added work. Oh! And on the weekends? I worked.

River sights in Savannah, are cool. Also, I'm not around
open bodies of water nearly enough. Something about a big body of water makes me
feel safe, yet small in the grand scheme of things. 

Then, in September my new(ish) roommate, Daniel and I went to Savannah for the weekend. We had some frustrating dilemmas with the rental car, which ended up with us car-less, and waiting on over $300 in refunds. 
Thankfully, my dear friend and coworker Emily was going the same weekend, so she let us ride down with her. We had miraculously been granted five or so days off work. We ended up having to leave early because of the car situation, and due to the fact that there had been a tragedy back in the ATL, but then again, we had two days off at home. I don't have enough off-time in Atlanta. 
So, I took full advantage. 
We got back on Sunday morning, around 3am or so. I slept hard.
(Side-note: do you ever have those nights where you are so worn out, and have the next morning off, and you sleep without abandon? I've come to know those nights of pure bliss, and the following mornings by the term 'reckless sleep'. Sleeping recklessly is one of the best things, and I don't get enough of it)
The following day, on the start of the week, I called up one of my favorite girls, Macey. We decided to get margaritas and dissect our Labor Day Weekends with each other. So, after Margs. We made our usual trip to Trader Joe's, and picked up two bottles of wine; chilled, and headed straight to the Park.  
*Sidenote: I absolutely am loving the new addition of the chilled wine selection at TJ's. 
While we were searching high and low for parking, we stumbled onto an adorable set of sage green filing cabinet shelves. We carefully piled them, albeit haphazardly in the back seat of her eternally full car, before vacating to the park.  We arrived in time to catch a few rays of sun and watch the sunset. 

Sunsets in Piedmont Park, are some of the most wonderful and glorious things I have ever experienced.

Sky's out, thighs out, right? What a blonde bombshell. 

It was easily one of the best moments of my year. We talked for hours about life, our personal struggles, and how we have grown and changed into these people who others consider adults. Then we immediately freaked out about how we are adults, and when the hell did that happen?! 
Macey and I go back five years, to Chattanooga. We waited tables at Taco Mamacita together. Or, rather, she got me through waiting tables at Taco Mamacita, and I, her. 
We became fast friends, as our weirdness aligns perfectly. We both moved to Atlanta within a month or two of each other. Consequently, we both got jobs in the restaurant industry which, though big, is a tight-knit community in the city. As in most cities. We ended up working at two separate restaurants that knew each other, and were friendly with each other. It was so beautiful to see that even through moving cities, we both had found work families that not only glorified differences, but celebrated them and let us be our weird and quirky selves without reserve. 

A couple weeks later, I attended the Kesha concert up in northern Atlanta. Outside the perimeter. I accepted an invite from what I thought was a friend, to be his date. Getting the night off work, getting a Lyft to near the venue, meeting said 'friend' for dinner, was all a long process. The concert was amazing. I'd seen Kesha a few years before at Music Midtown, and this time was even better. It changes the dynamic when you go to a single performer's show, as opposed to a music festival. It's more of a personal touch, I think. The artist isn't competing with other artists for your time, so it feels more genuine. At least that's my take on it. The show was empowering, and fun as all get-out. 

A few weeks later, in October I bought a ticket to The Head and the Heart's concert. It was at the same venue as Kesha, and arriving I found some of the same glitter still on the floor and it made me chuckle.
I found it funny that this venue, that can host so many different artists and fans, can be totally different on any given night, but it also holds the memories and physical attributes (i.e. Glitter, random clothes people have forgotten, etc.) of past experiences. Kind of like us. We grow, and change and adapt, but we still carry all of those past experiences with us. I think that's kind of really beautiful. 
The Head and the Heart were incredible. My first time going to see them in concert. Oh, and  I went by myself. It just so happened that I met a friend there. An old friend. From high-school. She's a good egg. Who lives in town, but we surely don't see each other enough. Busy  lives, and all that nonsense. 
The concert was definitely a highlight of the entire year. I've listened to The Head and the Heart for easily over ten years. They have been there, in the background, playing in very defining moments. Not really on purpose, but nevertheless. When I found out my parents were getting a divorce. When I found out we lost my nephew. When I came out. And those rare nights where I am cooking in the kitchen, and not at work. And what's better than having a cup of coffee in the morning, and listening to music that relaxes you, before you start a hectic day? Not many things, I can tell you that.
I cried so many times at that concert. 
Not out of sadness. 
My happiness literally welled up, and flowed out my eyes. 

Over ten years of listening to The Head and The Heart,
seeing them in person was incredibly moving.

Not many other notable things happened in October. I shaved that last day in October. Figured I landed somewhere between the No-Shave-November-crew, and also I'm-too-tired-of-the-itching-that's-going-on-on-my-face-crew. I was also curious as to see what my face looked like without any facial hair. I shave maybe once a year. If that. I never shave. But that's also because I am capable of growing a beard, and not looking as if I'm 16 years old. Not that I'm complaining at all about having a face that makes people think I'm younger than I am. I just like actually having some facial hair. It does something for this face, I think. 
Then we have November. Without a doubt, one of my favorite months. When the leaves are falling all around you, the fall flavors are in full effect. Pumpkin, squash, cinnamon, chocolate (not that chocolate isn't a year long flavor..) and dark fruits. The time for family, friends, and copious amounts of food and good beer. The holiday spirit is starting to go into full swing in November. 
November of 2017 was one for the books, for me. I went up to Delaware to see Chris, Erin, and Bri. I was incredibly thankful to have a couple days off, and be able to afford a plane ticket (Even though it was a buddy pass, courtesy of Panda) to and from Philadelphia. That's the closest/most convenient airport to Delaware, so it works out quite well. With the added bonus of an hour and a half to two hour drive back to Delaware where I get some real quality time with my brother.  Hashing out out expectations, and excitement for the next few days. Dissecting the past few weeks, or months since we've talked or, seen each other. 
So, I adventured up to Delaware for Thanksgiving. Got to spend four days, and then some with my three favorite people in the whole world. 

THIS little nugget had gotten so big since I'd met her in May.
Call it Uncle Status, but I've never been happier holding anyone else.

We took some pictures, made a bunch of delicious food, my brother ate "the best roasted garlic mashed potatoes he'd ever had", we drank some beer, and I sneaked whiskey into my coffee. 
We talked of the good old days, and postulated about how excited we are that life moves on, and how we have no idea what is in store for all of us. I left Delaware ecstatic that I have these people in my life, and how we can grow together, and how having a brother and sis-in-law, and neice is such a beautiful thing. 

December was a whirlwind, as well. I worked as a man who has no idea how to function when he isn't at work. Mainly, because I have no idea how to function outside of work, and also what on earth am I supposed to do with my hands? The uncertainty of what I would do for the holidays was at an all time high. I wasn't sure if I'd get the time off work, or be able to afford yet another plane ticket. Chris and Erin were going to Seattle for Christmas, so my usual plans of going to see them for the holidays were off the table. 
I had gotten multiple invitations from my dad and Lisa, to come to Florida and hang out in the warmth for a few days. Maybe go to the beach? I had honestly pushed it to the back of my mind, for multiple reasons. One of which was that this past holiday season was the least festive of all of my Decembers. I had been working two jobs which resulted in 50+ hour work-weeks. Which, if any of you have worked a 40 hour week, you understand how exhausting they can turn out. 
Combined with the exhaustion, I was extremely strapped for cash because of the holiday season, and all that entails. From the presents, to the food, to the surging Uber and Lyft prices, I was lacking in funds to even buy a small Christmas tree. Which was terribly sad, for me personally. I've had a 3-4 foot tree, every December, for as long as I can remember. Even in the dorms at college. But, since I was working so much, I honestly wouldn't have had time to enjoy the ambiance anyways. 
It's funny how growing up and moving cities changes small things. Like your priorities. This past year, I was really trying to do more things for myself. Not in a selfish way, but in a way where I was being reminded that I need to be taking care of myself, and my mental health. It turns out that when I work 12 hour days multiple days a week, doing laundry and cleaning get pushed to the back-burner. Shocking, right?
So, my room was a mess. My body was exhausted, yet I was doing the normal Tyler-thing and working too much. Truly burning the candle at both ends, trying to win in the race against time. Not that I ever win anything, and they say the thing about life is how no one gets out alive, so you can't really win anyways. But, excuse me, do you even have any idea of how competitive I am? 

In case it isn't obvious by the dad-angle, my dad took this picture.

So, I took a few days off from both jobs, and escaped to Florida. I took my dad and Lisa up on their offer, and boy, I am so glad I did. 
It was a small Christmas this year. Just the three of us. The smallest Christmas I can remember, honestly. But it was enjoyable. 
Around the holidays, I tend to get introspective and quiet. And depressed. It's funny how even if you're around people, you can feel so totally alone and forgotten. 
My time in Florida was wonderful, and I love my parentals so much. The warmth was great, coming from Atlanta where it was in the 40's. I wore short sleeves, and shorts every day. I even got a little bit of a tan. 
At Christmas.
However, I don't miss the humidity. It certainly doesn't do my hair any favors.
Florida had changed a bit from what I remember growing up down there. Also, I'm an adult now. I went to a couple breweries with my dad and Lisa. How weird is that? And, there *are* breweries in SWFL? What is this? The Twilight Zone? 
It was overall such a refreshing time. It's so cool to see your parents as people, instead of just 'dad' or 'mom'. They have so much experience living. Being able to see things from their perspective is odd. You're a person, with all of your own viewpoints, and opinions too? We can have an adult conversation and agree to disagree on some things, politely? That's pretty cool, in my opinion. 

Did I mention we went to the beach?
Two days after Christmas.
I got a tan. Two days after Christmas

There were some very memorable moments created this past Christmas. Mostly involving conversations had with Dad and Lisa. It's strange and beautiful when your parents realize you're an adult, and have your own story to tell. I like that. It's weird, but I like it. 
Lisa and I had many conversations that made my heart swell. I never would have thought that I'd be so lucky to have a step-mom who loves me as one of her own. One of the best parts of the trip was simply walking with Lisa on the beach, searching high and low for shark's teeth. Of course, we didn't find any. Call it beach-way robbery, but someone else had the audacity to find them all before us. In the words of Stephanie Tanner, "how rude". 
Just walking, and chatting about how cold the water was, but how it got better the more you put your feet in it, and laughing at how I was in a tank top and bathing suit when my friends back home were bundled up. I loved it.
Maybe I really do love long walks on the beach? Something about an open body of water... 

So, after a few days of warmth, and a fresh tan, I headed back to Atlanta. Fully unprepared for the cold. I resumed my usual life, the following day. Back to work. Back to having maybe one day off a week. I worked New Years Eve, and thankfully got out in enough time to race to Friends and ring in the New Year with some real quality people. Then I worked New Years Day Brunch. Which reminds me of why I need to get out of the service industry. I'm getting too old for this stuff. 

-

Overall, 2017 was a hard year. It did, however, force me to grow. 
Through the non-stop work weeks. Through the lonely days, gallons of iced coffee, and the late nights smoking cigarettes on my front patio, I've matured. Living with the silence of being alone, and the slow but steady reminders that everything is going to be okay in the end. It's made me more sure that I can do this. I can finish my degrees and actually do something with my life, instead of waiting tables until I'm 75. 
I can be more, and do more. I just have to keep reminding myself that who I am now, isn't the final version of myself. I'm going to continue to grow, and gain all these life experiences. 

So, in 2018. I want to be more. I want to do more. I want to be kinder. I want to be more present. I want to love more. I want to write more, whether that is on here or in my journal. I want to cook more. I want to take more pictures. I want to spend more time on things that make me happy. Whether that be picnics in the park, or driving with the windows down, or walking on the beach, or nerding out over the newest food trend. I want to be more passionate.
I want to be more me. 

Cheers to 2018, let's make it a good one, shall we?