Past months, and sacred counters.
I began writing this post at the end of January. I will publish this with a few embellishments, and attempt to retain some thought of my present mode of thinking.
January.
In retrospect, this past month has flown by in a whirlwind. Where is the year going? January is almost over. That's hard to believe. This month started out with me on a bus to Texas to see my brother graduate from the Air-Force's Basic Training. It was the first time I had laid eyes on him in a year. It is so sobering to think of how much change both of us had undergone in that year. But that is another story for another time. Regardless, a year seems entirely too long of a time to undergo without seeing your only brother face to face. Especially when you are as close as I am with mine.
There is really no other relationship like a brother's.
And I once again digress. So, the first day of the year I hopped on a bus from my beloved Chattanooga to Texas, where I spent about a week full of family, and simultaneously stress. Family means stress. Welcome to my life. Welcome to everyone's life. Being around the people that raised you, after a few years of intense change is a difficult thing. Especially when you are the one that has changed the most in the past few years. Not to minimize the change that others have underwent in that time. I suppose the changes I have experienced seem greater because I can see them. But isn't that life? The things you can't see always seem larger than they actually are. The rustling outside the window in the middle of the night can't POSSIBLY be a raccoon. It's clearly a 900 lb bear. Clearly.
Anyways. January went by in a blur. Overlooking the month I see a few distinct events.
1.) Trip to Texas to see my brother for the first time in a year, and experience unimaginable stress with my family.
2.) Request more information about Culinary School.
3.) Apply to Culinary School
4.) Get ACCEPTED to Culinary School.
(I will provide more information on this shortly)
February.
Now I pick up currently. I am writing this on March 1st. Seeing February as an entity, I can describe it in a few short words.
Cold.
Lonely.
Eventful.
I will now expound of these few words in greater detail.
Cold. The weather was even colder than January. Yes, there was that one day that I wore a tank-top and shorts, but that was to protest the frigidity. So it didn't count. It was cold. I was cold. Cold in this case referring to my heart. I was having a rough time. I'm not exactly sure why. I was distant. I didn't feel like myself. I sought solitude, and when I found it I gloried in the aloneness. Solitude is a refuge. A safe haven from distractions. A place where you can ignore all else and have a moment to think without someone interrupting the first coherent thought you have had in a month.
It might have been the simple case of the weather being still cold. I do indeed yearn - yes, my body cries - for the warmth of spring and summer. When spring arrives, I will be very happy.
Lonely. I sought loneliness. Not just in February either. I have sought solitude more and more recently. Being alone is such a blessing. Being able to process the day is one of the most beneficial parts. Being able to record my thoughts down on paper is possibly the best way I process things.
Eventful. It became clear that it is indeed possible for me to attend Culinary School. I have always entertained the idea that I could someday go to Culinary School, but this is really happening. If everything works out I will be in Culinary School April 8th. It is a 36 Week program. It is at Virginia College, so I will be able to stay in by very own Chattanooga. I will graduate this December. I'm very ready.
It is so strange how fast this year has gone by. I am consistently reminded of how quickly time goes by. A few days ago it was late at night, the house was quiet. Everyone else was asleep. I cleared off a few random items from the counter, and took a temporary residence in my favorite spot. The corner of the kitchen. Slightly left of the stove, and right of the microwave. It is my favorite place in the entire house. As I sat there for an hour, postulating about deep things, one word kept popping into my mind. Sacred. What does that even mean? I know there is the battle between the Sacred and Secular, but this was something else entirely. That spot is sacred to me. That insignificant spot on the kitchen counter is sacred to me. That hour I was able to spend just processing the past few days was the only time in the past few weeks that I felt totally at peace. No worries. No distractions other than my weariness. Pure, sacred peace. I savor those moments. They do not come often.
Well, I have prattled on long enough. This is the place I will leave my unfinished thoughts and half-finished carefully-written attempts at poetic gestures. I will now retire to the loving embrace of sleep. That wily woman of comfort and escape. How I love to chase her, only to find that I can not possibly revel in her embrace for long enough to satisfy my desire for rest. I can take comfort that one day I will rest with The One that is Sacred. For that day, I wait with longing unparalleled by any other fancy. For that day, it will all be worth it. Lord, come quickly and rescue me from these bloodthirsty wolves who bark and claw after my blood. Take me to Your peace.
January.
In retrospect, this past month has flown by in a whirlwind. Where is the year going? January is almost over. That's hard to believe. This month started out with me on a bus to Texas to see my brother graduate from the Air-Force's Basic Training. It was the first time I had laid eyes on him in a year. It is so sobering to think of how much change both of us had undergone in that year. But that is another story for another time. Regardless, a year seems entirely too long of a time to undergo without seeing your only brother face to face. Especially when you are as close as I am with mine.
There is really no other relationship like a brother's.
And I once again digress. So, the first day of the year I hopped on a bus from my beloved Chattanooga to Texas, where I spent about a week full of family, and simultaneously stress. Family means stress. Welcome to my life. Welcome to everyone's life. Being around the people that raised you, after a few years of intense change is a difficult thing. Especially when you are the one that has changed the most in the past few years. Not to minimize the change that others have underwent in that time. I suppose the changes I have experienced seem greater because I can see them. But isn't that life? The things you can't see always seem larger than they actually are. The rustling outside the window in the middle of the night can't POSSIBLY be a raccoon. It's clearly a 900 lb bear. Clearly.
Anyways. January went by in a blur. Overlooking the month I see a few distinct events.
1.) Trip to Texas to see my brother for the first time in a year, and experience unimaginable stress with my family.
2.) Request more information about Culinary School.
3.) Apply to Culinary School
4.) Get ACCEPTED to Culinary School.
(I will provide more information on this shortly)
February.
Now I pick up currently. I am writing this on March 1st. Seeing February as an entity, I can describe it in a few short words.
Cold.
Lonely.
Eventful.
I will now expound of these few words in greater detail.
Cold. The weather was even colder than January. Yes, there was that one day that I wore a tank-top and shorts, but that was to protest the frigidity. So it didn't count. It was cold. I was cold. Cold in this case referring to my heart. I was having a rough time. I'm not exactly sure why. I was distant. I didn't feel like myself. I sought solitude, and when I found it I gloried in the aloneness. Solitude is a refuge. A safe haven from distractions. A place where you can ignore all else and have a moment to think without someone interrupting the first coherent thought you have had in a month.
It might have been the simple case of the weather being still cold. I do indeed yearn - yes, my body cries - for the warmth of spring and summer. When spring arrives, I will be very happy.
Lonely. I sought loneliness. Not just in February either. I have sought solitude more and more recently. Being alone is such a blessing. Being able to process the day is one of the most beneficial parts. Being able to record my thoughts down on paper is possibly the best way I process things.
Eventful. It became clear that it is indeed possible for me to attend Culinary School. I have always entertained the idea that I could someday go to Culinary School, but this is really happening. If everything works out I will be in Culinary School April 8th. It is a 36 Week program. It is at Virginia College, so I will be able to stay in by very own Chattanooga. I will graduate this December. I'm very ready.
It is so strange how fast this year has gone by. I am consistently reminded of how quickly time goes by. A few days ago it was late at night, the house was quiet. Everyone else was asleep. I cleared off a few random items from the counter, and took a temporary residence in my favorite spot. The corner of the kitchen. Slightly left of the stove, and right of the microwave. It is my favorite place in the entire house. As I sat there for an hour, postulating about deep things, one word kept popping into my mind. Sacred. What does that even mean? I know there is the battle between the Sacred and Secular, but this was something else entirely. That spot is sacred to me. That insignificant spot on the kitchen counter is sacred to me. That hour I was able to spend just processing the past few days was the only time in the past few weeks that I felt totally at peace. No worries. No distractions other than my weariness. Pure, sacred peace. I savor those moments. They do not come often.
Well, I have prattled on long enough. This is the place I will leave my unfinished thoughts and half-finished carefully-written attempts at poetic gestures. I will now retire to the loving embrace of sleep. That wily woman of comfort and escape. How I love to chase her, only to find that I can not possibly revel in her embrace for long enough to satisfy my desire for rest. I can take comfort that one day I will rest with The One that is Sacred. For that day, I wait with longing unparalleled by any other fancy. For that day, it will all be worth it. Lord, come quickly and rescue me from these bloodthirsty wolves who bark and claw after my blood. Take me to Your peace.
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