-ishness.

So. it's getting closer to Christmas. and yet closer. good Lord. holy crap. this year has gone by so fast. talk about a rough year. it will be good to be done with this year. but there's always the sad reflection about the year gone by, but i'm not sad or nostalgic. sure, it's sad how things have gone this year. but it's also been a tremendous growing experience for me. i wouldn't change a thing, even though lots of things have just plain sucked. even though i'm a very different person than i was a year ago. last year i was still a boy. this year, not to sound prideful or anything, but i've grown into more of a man. i've been forced to. don't get me wrong, i've still got so far to go, but i'm on my way. things are quite different in every way. -i live in a different house - in a different state, even. -i live with one of my parents - my beloved father - instead of both of them, and then there's that whole situation which will never be pleasent. -i have closer and better quality friends than i did last year. -i have all the normal changes as well, some different clothes and different tastes on clothing and style in general. -i have my Savior. of course, i've always had my Savior. He is unchanging. He is Faithful. He is the Great Provider. He has never let me skip a meal or go hungry unless it was my choice. He has given me exactly what i need, even if i didn't know that i needed it. He gave me what i didn't want, but through that i have gained so much. He also didn't give me what i wanted, and thankfully through that i have gained so much more. My Savior. He never fails. He gives. He takes away. Blessed be HIS NAME. Faithful, Loving, Merciful Lord. He is Great beyond compare. He never ceases to amaze me with His mercy to the completely undeserving [me]. He never stops giving. i want to be like that. i want to always be giving. i am certainly working on being more giving. i'm making an effort. it's not easy. i think it becomes easier the more you work at it. just like lots of things. I found this song tonight. it's by Boyce Avenue. the song is called 'on my way', and it was exactly what i needed to hear. "And when you feel no saving grace Well I'm on my way, on my way And when you're bound to second place Well I'm on my way, on my way So don't believe it's all in vain The lie I did was worth the pain Cuz I'm on my way, on my way I'll be there the morning you come out and wait Cuz I'm on my way, on my way..." so comforting. it's a great song. mellow, but not depressing. exactly how i feel right now. it seems like i always have this sort of mood when i blog. hmm. strange. oh well. it makes for a good writing mood...ish.